Did Ya get the number ??????

Of that train that just wrecked, cause there ain't enough of it left to identify!

I had my first and worst ever public music performance today. Thank God it was at a small retirement home, where the audience was more forgiving. It was the absolute worst thing I have had happen since I have been playing music of any kind. But at least it's over.

I was supposed to be playing Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by J.S. Bach. What I ended up with God - and the audience - only knows. The thing is I thought I knew this piece. But obviously I didn't.

I was reluctant to perform in public anyway. I have not been seriously studying piano for very long, and Bach is not easy by any count. But my teacher insisted that I do something in public, so this was the piece we selected. I probably should have told her no, but I did it anyway.

So I worked on it. And I worked on it. And I worked on it. I spent hours trying to get my fingers to do the right notes, and I thought I had it. But today when I went to play it - it was gone! I ended up playing little snippets of it, but most of it was crap. And of course when I began to crash, I panicked, and then that made it even worse. So now not only is the piece going to hell, I can't even remember what note is supposed to go next.

So I'm trying to get out of this plane crash and all I can think about is how badly I am f***ing up! I even apologized to the audience. And to top it all off, I was the first one on the program! Oh God!

And afterward, some of the other people and my teacher are trying to explain to me how hard it is to play in public when you have never done it before, and how God loves me anyway even though I absolutely murdered this piece of music, and how it's not about performance and blahdededebalblahalblah and All I can hear is Bach spinning in his grave!

So that won't happen again. No more public performances until I get it. No guessing or hope so. But I guess screwing up is part of learning. But man what a train wreck.